I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize