You just made me feel so damn special
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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