I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
