....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
