No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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