guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
