Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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