I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize