I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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