I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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