Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
