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• (416): View more from Ontario

  Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.

  Fav 4 2514 805

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.

  Fav 17 1325 2765

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• (805): View more from California

  In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career

  Fav 18 4879 834

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job

  Fav 21 3921 2483

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• (214): View more from Texas

  If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.

  Fav 7 3007 1263

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• (425): View more from Washington

  She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.

  Fav 6 1864 1239

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?

  Fav 24 6915 1240

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.

  Fav 13 827 1947

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.

  Fav 5 1003 792

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.

  Fav 2 1148 599

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him

  Fav 5 986 425

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.

  Fav 0 154 365

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• (951): View more from California

  I just said "you do you" to my penis.

  Fav 1 63 19

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!

  Fav 0 33 14

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!

  Fav 0 10 67

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