Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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