Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
