if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
