no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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