I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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