Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
