Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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