you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
