forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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