And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
