ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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