My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
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