I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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