he fucked my hip out of place.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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