I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We need a shit load of segways right now
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
