I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
