My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
