I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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