So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize