i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
