just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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