I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
