I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
