he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
