I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
