Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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