you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
