cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I pour the whiskey from now on
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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