allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
