Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
