One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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