I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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