OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
