then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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