Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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