it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
