They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
