Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
