now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
