You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
