the condom got lost in my hair
Princesses don't give blow jobs
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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