Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
