Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
