dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
