So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
