Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
