i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
