Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
