Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
