I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just google imaged poop.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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