You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
