Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
zippers are such a cool invention
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
