All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
