Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
