My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize