I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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