Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
