Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
