Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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