I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize