There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm like, not good at living.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
