what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
